By Wayne Joe Evans
The Importance of Loving Your Child
Loving your child should come naturally but showing your child love may, at times, be more difficult. It is essential though that you not only love your child but that you also show them this love as if they do not know your love it can lead to serious problems later on.
Teenagers Who Do Not Feel Loved are More Likely to Become Rebellious
If you want a good relationship with your teenager then start now. If a teenager feels loved by their parents and accepted unconditionally then they are less likely to rebel. Rebellion is often a way of trying to get attention and feel noticed but if they already feel important in their parent's eyes then they will not need to go seeking this and will find more suitable ways to be noticed by others.
Adults who are Not Loved as Children Often Become Mentally Unstable Adults
The importance of love in a child's life is critical. Children who have not received good, wholesome love as a child often grow into adults with mental problems. They seek love in other areas - be it drugs, unhealthy relationships, etc. Love your child, and show them that you love them, and they will be more stable, grounded, adults.
How to Love Your Child
Understanding the importance of loving your child is the first step - but how do you practice this love for your child? Use multiple methods - physical affection, words of praise and affirmation, quality time, etc. Each child will respond to love in different ways and so you need to learn what tells your child that you love them - what speaks the loudest? Focus on this while not neglecting other ways of telling your child you love them.
Loving your child, and expressing this love, is essential if you want a good relationship with your teenagers and grown children who are stable and well-balanced with no mental problems. Learn how your child feels most loved and do this often while still ensuring that you use other methods of expressing love to them.
Wayne Evans is a single father of 3 beautiful girls. He has a background in Finance but has moved away from this to follow his aspirations of financial independence. He currently lives in Cardiff in the UK and is self- employed. He has written a book on 'How to raise children successfully', after being given excellent feedback from friends and family on how he raised his children. High standards, even in the middle of a recession. He is also looking to grow his internet marketing business too. http://www.joefizz.com http://groovyaffiliate.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com
Friday, March 18, 2011
Raising Responsible Children
By Laurie Emery
In order to become productive and happy adults, children need to learn how to take responsibility for their actions and follow through on commitments. The home is one of the best places for teaching responsibility and preparing children for the future.
A Responsible Child becomes a Child who:
- Stays in school
- Dreams, plans and prepares for the future
- Makes wise choices- mostly
- Does not harm self or others
- Builds a value system for becoming a productive, involved citizen
- Treats others kindly
- Thinks for him/herself- yet still requires guidance
Why IS RAISING A RESPONSIBLE CHILD IMPORTANT:
- A responsible CHILD learns self control, develops a love of learning, becomes empathetic, and develops social values.
A responsible Teen is likely to become an adult who:
*Can support him/herself
*Can enter into and maintain a life-long relationship with another adult
*Becomes a responsible parent
*Serves in the community
Responsible means:
A person who respects and considers the needs of others and the consequences of their actions.
TEN STEPS TO RAISING RESPONSIBLE CHILDREN:
STEP ONE: START EARLY:
The earlier you start the easier it will be to ingrain this in your child. And as they get older it will be a habit. Even young children can help sweep or clean even if they don't do it perfectly. They learn they can be helpful and part of the team. Begin with small chores and graduate responsibilities as they grow.
STEP TWO: SHOW YOUR CHILD - Affection, Acceptance & Attention
Affection- every child needs to know they are loved; loved not for his attitude or accomplishments but for his unique self. This love must be demonstrated, MODELED, CHILD FOCUSED, & STRONG. Strong enough to allow appropriate autonomy when it is scary and strong enough to set limits even when it would be easier not to.
Acceptance- Every child is different and born with genetically predetermined personality and traits that parents cannot change. But they can ACCEPT and work with, not against the trait. It is important to not make a child wrong for their personality that triggers you or you are in judgment of.
Attention- Give your child some FOCUSED attention every day. Focused attention means you are on his level, both figuratively and literally. If your child is on the floor then so are you. You are doing something your child wants to do. And, you don't have to be doing something- you can just be laying on the grass watching the clouds together.
STEP THREE: Model Responsible Behavior
Children do what you do not what you say. They watch you and learn. This includes being emotionally responsible....meaning- being in integrity and not being impulsive with your emotions.
STEP FOUR: Create Systems Using Rewards, Earning, and Choices
Rewards not bribes. Bribes are "I'll give you this if you do your chores". It teaches them to get something in order to complete a task.
Rewards can be natural rewards in the environment i.e.- Clear the table and take your shower and then you can earn TV time.
Rewards can be extrinsic or intrinsic. You want to move your child from external to internal as soon as you can by linking the external reward with the internal reward i.e.-"Aren't you proud of yourself?"
STEP FIVE: Allow Natural Consequences
If they lose their glove or their homework, for example, let them go through the steps to figure it out for themselves. Don't bail them out.
Some key questions you could ask your child are:
How do you want to handle it?
What is the result you want?
What are 5 possibilities to create that result?
How do you want to handle it?
STEP SIX: Believe in Your Child
Coach your child's greatness. See them for their possibilities not their failures. Empower them and trust they can come up with solutions. If you believe they are responsible so will they.
STEP SEVEN: Teach Your Child Compassion
Take them with you when you are being compassionate. Go to a nursing home and visit elderly or see a sick family member and explain.
Give them a job that is compassionate....i.e.- pick up trash in the playground and explain it could be mistaken as food by the squirrels.
Explain some kids are not as fortunate and go through life without Birthday and Christmas presents so have your child pick a toy or book of his own and donate it to less fortunate kids.
Ask the child to think of a way they can help someone in need. Let your child choose the recipient and project.
Get your child's input if you are buying a card or preparing a meal for someone and have them help you pick or prepare.
STEP EIGHT: Work with Other Responsible Adults
We can't always see ourselves clearly and having feedback from others who will be honest is valuable.
Talking to others will keep you balanced and on track. The more you are open to learning and the more personal development you do the better parent you will be. Nothing will be more effective then you growing yourself in order to be the most effective parent.
STEP NINE: Meet Your Child's Needs in Moderation
Meet your child's needs without granting every wish. This just teaches children that the world does not revolve around them. Let them work for things they want. Teach them to work extra chores to earn money. It gives them a sense of power and value.
STEP TEN: Teach Your Child to be Empathetic
What is Empathy? It is the ability to stand in someone else's shoes and imagine what they might feel.
Teach your child to recognize emotions in others. When watching TV or in a park, observe others emotions and ask your child to identify what others are feeling.
Encourage your child to think about how a situation he is involved in might make others feel. I.e.- If he takes a toy, ask how it makes him feel when someone takes a toy from him.
Not only identify feelings when watching television but also identify the cause and effect. "What do you think he is feeling?" and "What do you think made him so mad?" "Do you think he had a reason to be mad?"
Discuss feeling openly when disciplining or disagreeing with your child. Use "I" statements to let the child know how a situation is making you feel. I.E.- "When you don't do your homework I get worried and concerned" or "How do you feel when I nag you?"
Raising responsible children has all the benefits. Although it takes time, energy, and focus, the rewards in the long run are endless.
Dr. Laurie Emery [http://www.familiesbydesign.net]child psychology boca raton
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com
In order to become productive and happy adults, children need to learn how to take responsibility for their actions and follow through on commitments. The home is one of the best places for teaching responsibility and preparing children for the future.
A Responsible Child becomes a Child who:
- Stays in school
- Dreams, plans and prepares for the future
- Makes wise choices- mostly
- Does not harm self or others
- Builds a value system for becoming a productive, involved citizen
- Treats others kindly
- Thinks for him/herself- yet still requires guidance
Why IS RAISING A RESPONSIBLE CHILD IMPORTANT:
- A responsible CHILD learns self control, develops a love of learning, becomes empathetic, and develops social values.
A responsible Teen is likely to become an adult who:
*Can support him/herself
*Can enter into and maintain a life-long relationship with another adult
*Becomes a responsible parent
*Serves in the community
Responsible means:
A person who respects and considers the needs of others and the consequences of their actions.
TEN STEPS TO RAISING RESPONSIBLE CHILDREN:
STEP ONE: START EARLY:
The earlier you start the easier it will be to ingrain this in your child. And as they get older it will be a habit. Even young children can help sweep or clean even if they don't do it perfectly. They learn they can be helpful and part of the team. Begin with small chores and graduate responsibilities as they grow.
STEP TWO: SHOW YOUR CHILD - Affection, Acceptance & Attention
Affection- every child needs to know they are loved; loved not for his attitude or accomplishments but for his unique self. This love must be demonstrated, MODELED, CHILD FOCUSED, & STRONG. Strong enough to allow appropriate autonomy when it is scary and strong enough to set limits even when it would be easier not to.
Acceptance- Every child is different and born with genetically predetermined personality and traits that parents cannot change. But they can ACCEPT and work with, not against the trait. It is important to not make a child wrong for their personality that triggers you or you are in judgment of.
Attention- Give your child some FOCUSED attention every day. Focused attention means you are on his level, both figuratively and literally. If your child is on the floor then so are you. You are doing something your child wants to do. And, you don't have to be doing something- you can just be laying on the grass watching the clouds together.
STEP THREE: Model Responsible Behavior
Children do what you do not what you say. They watch you and learn. This includes being emotionally responsible....meaning- being in integrity and not being impulsive with your emotions.
STEP FOUR: Create Systems Using Rewards, Earning, and Choices
Rewards not bribes. Bribes are "I'll give you this if you do your chores". It teaches them to get something in order to complete a task.
Rewards can be natural rewards in the environment i.e.- Clear the table and take your shower and then you can earn TV time.
Rewards can be extrinsic or intrinsic. You want to move your child from external to internal as soon as you can by linking the external reward with the internal reward i.e.-"Aren't you proud of yourself?"
STEP FIVE: Allow Natural Consequences
If they lose their glove or their homework, for example, let them go through the steps to figure it out for themselves. Don't bail them out.
Some key questions you could ask your child are:
How do you want to handle it?
What is the result you want?
What are 5 possibilities to create that result?
How do you want to handle it?
STEP SIX: Believe in Your Child
Coach your child's greatness. See them for their possibilities not their failures. Empower them and trust they can come up with solutions. If you believe they are responsible so will they.
STEP SEVEN: Teach Your Child Compassion
Take them with you when you are being compassionate. Go to a nursing home and visit elderly or see a sick family member and explain.
Give them a job that is compassionate....i.e.- pick up trash in the playground and explain it could be mistaken as food by the squirrels.
Explain some kids are not as fortunate and go through life without Birthday and Christmas presents so have your child pick a toy or book of his own and donate it to less fortunate kids.
Ask the child to think of a way they can help someone in need. Let your child choose the recipient and project.
Get your child's input if you are buying a card or preparing a meal for someone and have them help you pick or prepare.
STEP EIGHT: Work with Other Responsible Adults
We can't always see ourselves clearly and having feedback from others who will be honest is valuable.
Talking to others will keep you balanced and on track. The more you are open to learning and the more personal development you do the better parent you will be. Nothing will be more effective then you growing yourself in order to be the most effective parent.
STEP NINE: Meet Your Child's Needs in Moderation
Meet your child's needs without granting every wish. This just teaches children that the world does not revolve around them. Let them work for things they want. Teach them to work extra chores to earn money. It gives them a sense of power and value.
STEP TEN: Teach Your Child to be Empathetic
What is Empathy? It is the ability to stand in someone else's shoes and imagine what they might feel.
Teach your child to recognize emotions in others. When watching TV or in a park, observe others emotions and ask your child to identify what others are feeling.
Encourage your child to think about how a situation he is involved in might make others feel. I.e.- If he takes a toy, ask how it makes him feel when someone takes a toy from him.
Not only identify feelings when watching television but also identify the cause and effect. "What do you think he is feeling?" and "What do you think made him so mad?" "Do you think he had a reason to be mad?"
Discuss feeling openly when disciplining or disagreeing with your child. Use "I" statements to let the child know how a situation is making you feel. I.E.- "When you don't do your homework I get worried and concerned" or "How do you feel when I nag you?"
Raising responsible children has all the benefits. Although it takes time, energy, and focus, the rewards in the long run are endless.
Dr. Laurie Emery [http://www.familiesbydesign.net]child psychology boca raton
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
10 Parenting Tips - Things You Shouldn't Say to Your Children
By Maureen LawrenceDo you use phrases that edify and encourage your children?
Sometimes we don't say things that edify or encourage our children.
Avoid using these ten parenting tip phrases to your children and you will starting on the road to raising more positive and self-confident children.
1 Just because I say so is not a good reason. Try to avoid using these words to your child.
Parenting tip
always have a reason why your child should or shouldn't do something.
2. If only you could be more like your brother/sister. Each child is an individual and should be respected and treated as such.
Parenting tip
making a child feel inferior is not good for them and inflict pain that can last a life time.
3. "It doesn't matter what others think" To your child what others think may be important and just to dismiss those feelings can be insensitive.
Parenting tip
It's important that you start from birth to build your child's self-esteem so they themselves don't worry about what others think as they are confident in their own .
4 "Mummy & Daddy had sex last night." This will embarrass your child and there shouldn't be any reason for them to be given details this personal about their parents.
5 "Pull yourself together" This is really a silly comment if you take it literally.
Parenting tip
If your child is feeling sad about something then he needs to be able to express this in a constructive manner within a loving family. If it's anger then he needs to learn how to manage it and this expression will not encourage him to do this.
6 "I was too busy to come and see you" What is this saying to your child?
Parenting tip.
It's telling your child that something you're doing is more important to you than they are. Many adults carry wounds inflicted by parents who promised to do something and then never followed through.
7 "Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you" This is incorrect. as names children are called or labels they are given can effect them for life.
Parenting tips.
Often names hurt more than other forms of bullying make sure you appreciate how your child will be affected by names they are called and don't let this affect your child for life. It can.
8 "Wait until your father/mother gets home" This usually relates to discipline and any disciplining should be done as soon after the misbehavior as possible.
Parenting Tip
A child should not have punishment hung over their head all day.
9 "I won't make that mistake again" This is unlikely to happen and even if you don't make this particular mistake you will make another one.
Parenting Tip
"Let's try and learn from the mistakes we make and teach our children how to do this too.
10 "You can't possibly do that/ succeed at that." Parents need to encourage their children to anything they want to be.
Parenting Tip
Help your child to succeed in whatever they try and don't discourage them from even trying.
Now you know what not to say to your children think about what you should say.
Extra parenting tip Make sure you aren't too busy to enjoy your children.
And you can find more parenting tips [http://www.englishnannyblog.com] on my Blog. Make sure you make use of the fascility to ask a question.
Parenting tips and advice about children and family life from an English Nanny and Parenting Expert with over 25 years of experience. [http://www.englishnannyblog.com]
Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com/
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